The Olympics are really great. I can sit in front of my television, ice cream in hand, and watch really dedicated people display their athletic prowess on the world stage. Chiseled bod
ies, disciplined minds, less hair than a new born, less body fat than my index finger and a glaring, focused look in their eyes that I could use to start a fire, if I just had some kindling handy. These athletes ignite a sense of pride, a great feeling about myself, then a strong desire to dedicate myself to something, anything…followed by a little nettlesome voice in the back of my head, somewhere just behind my left Temporal Lobe, reminding me of a few inconsequential but nagging facts:
1. I just turned 33 and am losing the battle between my mental powers over nature and the aging process.
2. I am doing well to just not trip over my own feet.
3. With responsibilities like a wife, two children and legions of needy blog fans, I am hard pressed to dedicate 14 hours a day to running, swimming, flipping about, doping up and/or shaving my body hair.
4. Although I look stunning, I feel uncomfortable in most ultra tight, super short, excessively aerodynamic and overly restrictive a
thletic wear. Especially in High Definition.
5. My children already think I’m the greatest athlete of all time. After all, I can jump up and touch the ceiling, throw a football “over ‘dem mountains” and wrestle them into submission at will. I don’t need to prove anything to them. Also, with the only slightly exaggerated stories I tell Annie, nightly, about my athletic past, she surely thinks I’m at least somewhat gifted, if not the flat out King of Studville.
After remembering all this, I look up at the television, shake my head and laugh to myself, “This is their moment, Todd. Let them have the limelight. Let them shine and prance around in $5,000 spandex, and then lose by one millionth of a second and return to their homeland a disgrace. It’s their dream, not mine…not mine.”
Personal Olympic Flame
Posted by Annie Jensen at 5:30 PM
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4 comments:
I, too, am inspired by the Olympics, but in a different sort of way. Watching the games makes me want to turn my children into the future Michael Phelps/Shawn Johnson's/LoLo Jones/Yao Ming's (except shorter and less Asian) of the world. I am ready to start training Isaac in men's gymnastics and Alayna in badminton, or whatever other sports I might find them somewhat inclined to play. If you see me outside forcing my kids to run laps around the block, do 50push-ups, launch themselves over a vault, and then whack a shuttlecock with a racket, just know that this phase will end as soon as the games are over. But for the next two weeks, I will have the most well trained and angry kids in town.
LOL. Just add some performance enhancing drugs as a part of their well balanced breakfast.
Awesome post Todd. The Olympics are always extremely impressive. What with my mad skills I'm thinking about trying out for woman's volleyball. I might not be exactly what they're looking for, but I feel I could bring a whole new dynamic to the team.
Erika you're hilarious :)
Diana- I think the women's volleyball team has a pretty good setter, attacker and defender already.
What they REALLY need though is someone to randomly run face first into the net, unprovoked, in order to beat their nemesis, the Norwegians. They are easily distracted. Having already established yourself as a neighborhood legend, you may be just what they need.;)
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