Did I just hear that?

As some of you may know, I work at home. Being home most days, I see and hear all sort of behind the scene quips that make my family life feel like a crazy, over the top sitcom. A funny, but loving family having everyday adventures. Let me share a few of the gems I’ve overheard just recently, from my office/lare in the basement that make me scratch my head. You can mentally insert a phony laugh-track between each, if you like.

Annie on the phone, in a very serious conversation with her sister:

“Look, Lis, I don’t care! If a vampire loves a vampire that’s fine. If a werewolf loves a werewolf, I'll live with it. But when a werewolf falls in love with a vampire, that’s where I draw the line. It’s unacceptable, they are eternal enemies! It’s going against the natural order of things. No, they could never co-exist! EVER!”

Clark (3) eating a bowl of cereal in the kitchen all by himself in silence:

“This is freaking good.” [long silence and more chewing]

“Mmmmmm. This is really freaking good…”

Ava (7), working child-slave labor for my company:

“Dad, this is really boring. I just sit here all day doing stupid stuff while you do all the cool stuff. I just sit over here in the corner and pick colors for your website all day, [rolls her eyes] like that’s soooooo important. I quit!”

[storms upstairs, then yells down from the top step]

“I’m going to start my own business, so I can fire you! But I won’t fire you because I won’t even hire you! My business is going to have a party every day, and we’re not going to invite your business, because you guys are boring and had me do stupid stuff! If you ever want my business to help you, I’m going to make you pay tons of money, like five dollars or ten dollars, but then I’ll still tell you ‘NO’!”

What are some of the crazy things that make you wonder to yourself, “Did I just hear what I thought I heard?”

Holy Herriman, Batman!

So I watched the new Batman movie, “Dark Knight”. I really liked it. Probably more than I should have. I even made a commitment to myself; if I ever become filthy rich I will become the mysterious protector of Herriman City. Nightly prowling through the shadows in search of mischievous, no good, wrong doers. At the least, I’ll scare off those noisy kids at the skate park. I can’t be Batman, that name in copyrighted, but I can still be the symbol of hope for a small city that is looking for a reason to believe. So, I’m trying to think of a cool name, and could use some help here. These are my thoughts so far;

Black Man- I don’t mean this in a racist fashion, it’s merely a description. I would just be the guy dressed in black dishing out my own brand of vigilante justice. Plus, the name would intimidate those from the dark underbelly of Herriman, because they’ve probably never seen a Black Man before.

Mongoose Man- Okay, hear me out with this one. For anyone who ever watched “Rikki-Tikki-Tavi” when they were children know that Mongeese can hunt and kill the most venomous snakes in the world, all while displaying the most lovable personalities. It may not strike fear into the hearts of criminals right away, but once they are alone in the dark and think about its sublime meaning they’ll find me quite worrisome.

Bourne Ultimatumus- Face it, Jason Bourne rules! He kicks your teeth in, steals your identity, then rides a motorcycle through the chaotic streets of Ciro while hacking into the CIA’s GPS satellite on his cell phone. Any derivative of his name is a sure winner. Also, this version sounds a bit like a Jason Bourne dinosaur. Bonus!

Hairy-Man- the defender of Herriman. You see, it’s a play on words. Although it's not really scalable, if I decide to expand into other cities. Even then, it would remind criminals of their receding hairlines, slowly chipping away at their self-confidence.

That’s all I’ve got so far. I would love your input and ideas. Please provide a name, the reasoning, and finally what I would call my lare (i.e. the bat cave), as this is an important part of my decision. As I could become awesomely rich any time now, alacrity is paramount.

Heroically yours,

Todd

Personal Olympic Flame

The Olympics are really great. I can sit in front of my television, ice cream in hand, and watch really dedicated people display their athletic prowess on the world stage. Chiseled bodies, disciplined minds, less hair than a new born, less body fat than my index finger and a glaring, focused look in their eyes that I could use to start a fire, if I just had some kindling handy. These athletes ignite a sense of pride, a great feeling about myself, then a strong desire to dedicate myself to something, anything…followed by a little nettlesome voice in the back of my head, somewhere just behind my left Temporal Lobe, reminding me of a few inconsequential but nagging facts:

1. I just turned 33 and am losing the battle between my mental powers over nature and the aging process.
2. I am doing well to just not trip over my own feet.
3. With responsibilities like a wife, two children and legions of needy blog fans, I am hard pressed to dedicate 14 hours a day to running, swimming, flipping about, doping up and/or shaving my body hair.
4. Although I look stunning, I feel uncomfortable in most ultra tight, super short, excessively aerodynamic and overly restrictive athletic wear. Especially in High Definition.
5. My children already think I’m the greatest athlete of all time. After all, I can jump up and touch the ceiling, throw a football “over ‘dem mountains” and wrestle them into submission at will. I don’t need to prove anything to them. Also, with the only slightly exaggerated stories I tell Annie, nightly, about my athletic past, she surely thinks I’m at least somewhat gifted, if not the flat out King of Studville.

After remembering all this, I look up at the television, shake my head and laugh to myself, “This is their moment, Todd. Let them have the limelight. Let them shine and prance around in $5,000 spandex, and then lose by one millionth of a second and return to their homeland a disgrace. It’s their dream, not mine…not mine.”

Little change of tone

I know, I know, this is sappy, but I was in that kind of mood and threw this together and put it on youtube. In a personal way, this just speaks to me a bit. I like it, so if you don't, well...it's probably because I'm more righteous than you. ;)

Remember to pause my streaming blog tunes below, as the clip has music. Youtube is LQ, so it's a little choppy.